It’s easy to quit

An ache has spread through my legs, up my back and into my arms. Walking anywhere right now would be asking too much and my arms are heavy as I type this. The ache that has spread through me isn’t a bad ache, regardless of being sore. It is one of victory. It is the kind of ache your body gives you to let you know that yes, you did give it your all.

A couple of weeks ago, for two weeks I tried out Yoga Meltdown by Jillian Micheals. I noticed that while I was sore and my back had a slight throb, it didn’t kill my back to do the workout. It didn’t make me want to curl up into a ball and die, but I was doubtful. While I did it for those two days, I didn’t give it my all and then I wound up hurting my back a little more, I’m not even sure how and so I stopped. I couldn’t keep going. I was too weak. I didn’t have the strength. I didn’t want to try and fail. And so, I quit. It’s so easy to quit isn’t it? To make up excuses of why you just can’t work out, why you don’t have time or why you don’t want to. It’s so easy to doubt yourself. You have that annoying internal debate with yourself. You pump yourself up. You’re determined. You’re ready to kick that workouts ass. Then the excuses come, I know, I’ve heard them all race through my mind and it’s easy to plop down on the couch with a book or your laptop or whatever and just say you’ll do it another day. It might be easy, but if you’re like me, the guilt curls in your belly like a fist and then spreads through you, but you tell yourself there is always tomorrow. Tomorrow you will do better, tomorrow you will try, but again you don’t.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // It's easy to quit

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Today was a busy day. One of those days where as soon as my feet hit the floor I’m going non stop. It was filled with making heart hand prints with twenty kindergartners {something I volunteered to do}, it was filled with an hour spent watching Jay in a school rodeo. It was filled with laundry and cleaning. Giggles and laughs during the brief moments Kage and I were home during the day while Jay was at school. I had a doctors appointment and then got stuck in traffic. I was supposed to go back up to the school for a third time to have lunch with Jay, but I didn’t make it in time and I felt horrible. I had told him though, that I might not be able to make it back in time. There was school pickup where Jay assured me he wasn’t upset. It was full of more giggles, laughs and cleaning after we got home. There was dinner and homework and bedtime. As we were working on flashcards, my mind wandered. We still had homework to finish, reading and bedtime to do. I needed to start another load of laundry and pick up the living room. I needed to write a blog post and interact on social media since I skipped a day. So why working out popped into my head, I have no idea, but there it was. You have to try again. You can do this Cassie. You ARE strong enough. I smiled as Jay kept going through his words, Yes, yes I am strong enough I mentally told myself.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // It's easy to quit

Quote via Live.Laugh.L0ve. on Pinterest

Then it came, after I laid my little ones down, my mind started filling with excuses. I’m too tired. I still have too much to do. I’m just going to fail again. It would have been so easy to just pick up the living room and then sit down to write a blog post, but I overcame those excuses. I turned on the DVD and I got to it and you know what. I pushed myself to the max. When my legs and arms were shaking when I was in a certain position, I just kept repeating in my head, You are strong Cassie. You CAN do this. Don’t quit now. And I finished strong. I know for awhile it will be a daily battle to talk myself into working out, which pisses me off more than I can put into words because I used to be that girl. I use to be that girl who laced up her shoes and hit the pavement. I used to be that girl who went to the gym. I used to be that girl that ended her night with a workout and I enjoyed it, but I know I’m not that girl anymore. My back has changed me, it has changed a part of who I am and now I struggle, but I want that girl back and I’m determined to keep going. To keep trying. To keep telling myself I can do it because eventually I won’t have to tell myself, eventually it will become natural again and eventually, I will have the strength in my body that I want. The strength that my back problems robbed from me. I will never be that same girl again, I will be better because I know what it’s like to be weak, I know what it’s like to hurt and feel pain worse than I could imagine on a regular basis, because I know what it’s like for something to change me.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // It's easy to quit

Quote via Live.Laugh.L0ve. on Pinterest

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // It's easy to quit

Quote via Live.Laugh.L0ve. on Pinterest

It’s always easy to quit, it’s hard to not give into the excuses, but you can do it. No matter how hard it is.

Live.Laugh.L0ve. // It's easy to quit

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