What I hope they know

It’s my third week of work and I think we are finally adjusting to our new chapter of life and our new routine. While we all are adjusting pretty well, I tend to miss my boys like crazy when works slows down enough for me to really think about them. I know getting used to this schedule was a bit hard on my boys, they went from having me around all the time, to only having me around in the evenings and on the weekends. I’ve been thinking about it and there is a few things I want/hope they know.

I hope they know how I miss them. I get this ache in my heart when I slow down enough to really think about them while I’m work. When I picture all their sweet little smiles and I bring to my mind the sound of each of their beautiful laughs. I just want to grab my purse, clock out, and rush home that way I don’t have to miss another minute of missing either of those. I replay the stories they used to tell me during the day and I replay the way the twins always smile when they see. The random games of peek-a-boo, piggy back rides, coloring, and playing outside; things that I only get to enjoy for a short time after work and on the weekends. Going from being able to hear and do those things anytime of the day, to a limited time, it really takes a toll on a momma. I hope they know that I think of all of that and I can’t wait to walk through the door and see them.

I hope they know that when they see me after I’ve been gone all day, those smiles that light up all of their faces, the chorus of mommy and baby sounds washes over me, and my heart rejoices. Finally, all those hours I spent missing them and wishing for those moments, I now have the minute I walk through the door. I hope they know how much I truly cherish the time we get to spend together as family now. I can’t explain it, but it’s different than when I was always around them. Now I get it, now I get what it’s like to only have x amount of hours in a day, and you don’t find me wishing for bedtime anymore.

I hope they know that when life got hard and it was time for mommy to step up to the late to do what is best for our family I did it without a second thought. I knew this was going to be a new chapter in our lives and while their our days that I just don’t know if I can be away from them any longer, I stepped up to the plate, and I know it is the right thing to do. I hope that encourages them and that one day they understand and appreciate the sacrifice I made for our family.

I hope they know how much I love them and I hope they don’t feel like I abandoned them, especially the babies, who have been with me everyday since coming home from nicu. Kade wasn’t too happy about me working at first, I could tell in the way his attitude change, but I think he’s finally coming around that mommy isn’t gone forever, just short periods of time. I hope they know that I cherish our family swim in the evenings, our relaxing evenings, and spending as much time with them as I can.

I hope they know that I am doing this for them, no matter how bad it hurts me to be away from them, I’m doing it, and I hope one day they will respect that and look at me with a sort of awe, that mommy stepped up when our family needed her the most.

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8 months old

This picture… yeah, it basically sums up how life is with twins. lol.

The twins turned eight months old on the first of this month. I’m a total slacker on doing an update on time, but better late than never. The doctor said they look perfect and are steadily growing which is good and exactly what we want! They definitely keep us busy and make us laugh. Like when Jax decided to kick Kade over while they were watching Lion King. Or when Kade decided he was going to bite {don’t worry, he doesn’t have teeth yet} Jax’s toes. Or when Jax has enough of tummy time and falls asleep right there, face down on the floor. Or when Kade face plants after a few minutes of sitting up. Lol. They are also teething at the same time. Yeah, go ahead and picture that. I bet you want to curl up into a ball and rock back n forth with your hands of your ears, doesn’t it? ;) I just hope those teeth pop through soon! If not, you can find me in the kitchen, downing a bottle of wine, and trying to keep my sanity.

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Frozen Baby Food Treats

The twins have been teething like crazy and I feel soooo bad for them. I’ve been trying to provide any relief I can and some things work and some things don’t. It’s so frustrating for me so I can only imagine how frustrating it is for them! I had an idea though and it turned out to be a freaking great one so I thought I would share it! I decided to make Frozen Baby Food Treats for them. Not only would they be eating their baby food, but the cold would sooth their gums. That’s a total win-win.

These are seriously so easy to make and so worth it because your little one with LOVE them!!

You will need:
– A 4 thing Popsicle mold.
– 4 Jars of baby food you know they like.
– A spoon.

Yep, that’s it.

Pour each baby food jar into each of the Popsicle molds using the spoon to avoid a big mess and then pop them into the freezer until they are completely frozen.

Once they are completely frozen, take them out for about five minutes that way you can remove that popsicle part. {If you baby is old enough to hold the popsicle and suck on it/eat it that way}

I tested it out on Kade since Jax was asleep and he LOVED it!!

After he got full, he was so smiley because his gums weren’t hurting anymore. This was such an easy solution to teething pain and I wish I had thought of it sooner!!

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Snapshots of life lately + 4th of July weekend

I absolutely love my shirt from my friend Skye’s shop! It is such a pretty blue and one of the softest shirts I own! & hello, it’s about Texas which makes it the best thing ever. ;) #texasborn #texasraised #texasmade #IobviouslyloveTexas

Hubby and I at his family BBQ on the 4th. I realllllyyy wish he would freaking smile!! lol.

The boys, my nephew, my sister, and I all enjoying relaxing in the pool! // SMILE! lol. // Kisses from Kage. // Jay playing with his new toy from his aunt & uncle that daddy put together.

I love when my boys cuddle with me. Sweet cuddles with Jay. // Jax was extra cuddly so I snapped a few pictures, it was so sweet. // Kage chillin with mommy.

The boys made paper ties for daddy for Father’s Day, inside is a bunch of questions they answered about him. He proudly rocked those ties on father’s day and I fell in love with him a little more in that moment.

Kade’s cute little outfit. My mother in law and I went shopping and she bought the twins a few outfits and this is one of them!

Delicious + cute cupcakes my cousin’s girlfriend made. // Another picture of Hubby, Jay, and Kage on Father’s day. // Jay getting his relax on. // Jay and my niece enjoying being outside, soaking up the sun, and eating watermelon.

Daddy & the twins. // Sweet little Kade. // Kade trying to crawl to daddy. // Kage hanging out with his cousin aka his best friend. They are only a few months apart in age.

I love my sweet little guys. I can’t believe they are already 8 months old!!

My cousin’s daughter & I at a BBQ. // The twins & I at another BBQ. // Two of my brother in laws, my father in law, and my sexy husband. // The twins & my niece.

My 4th of July outfit. // Shirt from Your Texas is Showing. // Rocking that super soft shirt. // Pretty blue bracelets from Cloud Nine Designz.

Soooo, how was your 4th of July weekend? Did you do anything fun? Did you get things done around the house? Finish projects, BBQ, etc.?

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7 things that help me get through the day

I get asked a lot, “how do you do it?” or I get the, “I really don’t know how you do it” or “You are awesome, I couldn’t do it, I really couldn’t.” statements when people find out I have four kids and two of them are twins. Most of the time I just smile, give a small laugh, and respond with, “I don’t know how I do it either” because, most days, I really don’t know how I do anything or accomplish anything or keep my sanity! lol. I started to think about it though and I wrote down seven things that I believe help me get through the day. So, here is my answer to, “How do you do it?”

1. My Thrive. Seriously, it gives me the vitamins and natural all day energy that I need to make it through the day. Before Thrive, I was dragging ass trying to take care of my kids, my house, and everything in between. Now, I’m getting stuff done and on the hard days when not much is getting done aside from taking care of the kids, I’m still doing a lot with them and not wanting to crash halfway through the day.

2. My husband. He really helps me so much. He has always been a great daddy, but seeing all that he does now that we have four kids, it just makes my heart so happy. I really don’t know what I would do without him, I truly believe I would be lost. We make an excellent team and I’m so glad that God gave me him to go through this crazy life with. We make a good team, especially as parents, and that helps more than people know.

3. Chores. If we didn’t have the boys picking up after themselves most of the time, cleaning their room, and a couple of other little things, days would defintely not run smoothly. I’m only one person after all and I can only contain the mess of all of us for so long. I also think it’s wonderful to teach your kids responsibilty so, it’s a win-win in my book. :)

4. Crafts, toy, and games. Having something for the kids to do and the babies to play with while I get things done that need to get done, helps soooo incredibly much!

5. Movie/nap time. Depending on our day, we usually have a quiet time during the day where the boys quietly watch a movie while the twins are napping so I can get work or household duties done. It’s a life saver a few times a week and it’s one of those things I’m glad I’ve done since my kids were old enough to understand it.

6. Lists. Seriously, I make a list of everything {Obviously ;) lol} I need/want to do or get done that day. My mind is constantly all over the place so if I want to remember to do something, I write that shit down, otherwise I’m likely to forget. Also, I love checking things off a list! Anyone else?

7. Wine or some form of alcohol. I’m not a daily drinker, but a nice glass of wine or a delicious mixed drink is so nice after a long, hard day! When I have time, I love unwinding with a drink and a good book. It makes my day end on a good note!

What is something you need that helps you get through the day?!

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6 months old

The twins turned six months old on the 1st. I can’t believe that time has gone that fast. They are both doing wonderful and catching up to where they need to be. it’s so fun watching them discover new things and watching them do new things. Our life may be busy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

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I love having boys

I get asked quite a few questions + comments when it comes to being a mom of boys. Questions like, “Are y’all going to try for a girl?” “Are you sad that you have all boys?” “ALL BOYS, oh you poor thing.” “Don’t you want a girl with all these boys?” “You need to get a female dog that way you have a girl in the house.” “I couldn’t handle all boys.” I could go on and on, but I’ll stop there. I want to answer some of these questions + respond to some of these comments. I know society believes you should have two kids and that they should be a boy + a girl. They also believe if you only have boys, you NEED a girl. I think that’s downright silly, that makes it seem like girls are needed & are better than boys, and I’m sorry, that’s not the case.

Here we go…

“Are y’all going to try for a girl?
I’ve been asked this question since Jay was born, seven freaking years ago, and it kept coming after Kage was born, and those that don’t know I have my tubes tied, ask since I’ve had the twins. My answer almost every time is..
No. No, we are not trying for a girl. Would it be fun to have a little girl, absolutely, but I wouldn’t mind having another boy. {That was the answer I gave after Jay and Kage} Now my answer is, No, we are done having kids and I’m completely happy with boys.

“Are you sad that you have all boys?”
My answer is normally no, but I’m going to take it a step closer.
This question really pisses me off. Why the hell would I be sad about having all boys? Are girls really that much of a big deal that I should literally be sad I don’t have one? No they aren’t and that’s just downright stupid to ask someone. I am not sad that I don’t have a little girl. Like I said up there, I’m sure it would have been fun to have a daughter, but I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I have four amazing little boys and I am extremely happy I have all boys. The next time someone thinks about asking this to a mom of all boys, don’t, because you are more than likely going to piss them off and get a rude ass answer.

“ALL BOYS, oh you poor thing.” “I couldn’t handle all boys.”
No sweetie, I’m not a poor thing because I have all boys. Yes, they are crazy, destructive, and loud. They fight, they are hyper, they build things, then destroy said things that they build, and they are messy. You know what though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I embrace the Chaos of having all boys and I love it. To the I couldn’t handle it comment, I didn’t think I would be able to handle four boys either, but I was surprisingly wrong. It is so much fun because, despite the Chaos, they are so much fun and I’m the queen of the house, which pretty much rocks. ;)

“Don’t you want a girl with all these boys?”
No, actually I don’t. I have plenty of nieces that I adore and that I get to buy cute clothes for and do girly things with. So, I’m not missing out on the fun of having a girl. I am a total boy mom and I love it. I think God knew I couldn’t handle girls, which is why he gave me all boys. I like to dress up all cute, do my makeup, get my nails done, etc., but I’m also a huge tomboy. I like guns, playing cops and robbers with my boys, building mud sculptures, wrestling with them, having water balloon fights, finding lizards, and bugs in the dirt. I like building endless lego structures, drawing + coloring with them, playing football with them + soccer + basketball. I like rough housing and I like action movies. I was absolutely cut out to be a boy mom and I’m not missing out on anything by not having a girl. I get endless hugs + kisses, I have mommy’s boys, I have little boys who love me so much, I have little boys who can be so incredibly sweet, who pick me flowers, who draw me pictures, and who wants to always play with me. I get to cover my driveway in chalk drawings and play in the rain with them. There is so much more I can say about this, but just know, there is nothing I love more than being a mom of all boys.

“You need to get a female dog.”
I often laugh about this one. I love dogs and when the twins are around two or three, we will probably get a puppy because we totally want one! Guess what though, it won’t be a female dog. I can’t really stand female dogs, I like male dogs and that’s what we will get soooo, yes I’ll get it dog, just not a female one! ;)

I mean, how can anyone not look at these sweet faces and not automatically know that I don’t need a girl and that I am happy with my wonderful little guys!

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Living in chaos & loving it

I have four kids seven and under, two are eighteen months apart and two of them are twins. I’m going to be honest, I never wanted twins. Every time I got pregnant, I was terrified it was going to be twins. I would worry about how the hell I would handle two babies at once and I knew I just couldn’t do it. That all changed though when I saw my babies on the monitor. I was completely shocked at first, but after a couple of minutes, a calmness came over me and I fell in love with those little ones growing in my belly. I wanted them something fierce and I couldn’t explain it because, like I said, before I found out I was having twins, I didn’t want twins. I wanted them bad though when I saw them. As they grew inside me, I couldn’t picture not having twins. I was scared, but I knew I could handle it and I know that had to be God reassuring me. Now that they are here and home {since they were born early}, it has come more naturally than I thought. I didn’t know how I was going to balance four kids, being a wife, a blogger, a writer, and running a household. Almost six months later, I am loving this life.

It is chaotic and crazy. We’ve had setbacks and bad days, but the amount of good days far outweigh the bad. We live in a three bedroom home so, six people under this roof is a tight squeeze, but we make it work. We make it work by embracing the chaos. Life itself is chaotic, it’s unpredictable, and you never know what to expect. It’s the same with having four little ones. I never know what’s going to happen. We have baby stuff everywhere, legos scatter the floors, laundry sometimes is left sitting until I can get to it, the kitchen isn’t always spotless, and things are often not in their place. At first, it drove me crazy. I liked having everything where it belonged, knowing what the day was going to hold, but I’ve learned to let it go. The laundry will get done, the dishes will get washed, the floors are vacuumed daily. I’ll probably still step on legos and cuss like a sailor when I do. I imagine things will be out of place for awhile, that my house won’t always be as clean as I want it, that everyday is going to hold something different, and that each day is unique and chaotic and beautiful.

I’ve learned to love not knowing what the day will hold. I’ve learned to love baby items and legos taking over my house. I’ve learned to embrace the chaos of our life because it’s beautiful. The smiles, the giggles, the stories, the piggyback rides, the sweet laughs, the memories made, the laughter that fills our house, and the love that is everywhere. I’ve learned that this is just a chapter of life and it won’t always be chaotic and one day everything will be in it’s place. I know when that day comes, I’ll look back and miss the beautiful chaos of little kids, but for now I’ll embrace. I’ll cherish this chapter in our life, and I’ll continue to make memories and teach my children and play with them, and most of all, I’ll always let love flow through this house.

The love and laughter is worth the chaos.

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Weekend Wrap Up

Happy Sunday! It’s raining here today so, we are staying warm inside with lots of cuddles, baking, and movie watching! I should probably use this time to catch up on laundry too, but with a family of six, I kind of hate laundry so, I’ll just cuddle instead! Welcome to my new weekly weekend wrap up post! Each Sunday I’ll be featuring blog posts from the week, some IG accounts I’m loving, pix from the week that I never posted, and more! 

Posts from this week.

1. I made these delicious Jolly Rancher Popsicles. They were a huge hit with Jay & Kage and they are already begging me to make more! I can guarantee your kids will love them! ;) 2. I shared my February Ipsy Glam Bag a little late, but I really liked everything I got and I can’t wait to try out all of the new products! 3. Another thing my kids loved this week was the yummy Big Hero 6 treats I made. They devoured them while we watched the movie! Have you seen the movie yet? I thought it was so cute! 4. I shared a story I’ve never lived down and why I’ve already started thinking of prepaid phone plans for Jay.

[Read more…]

Lost time

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I remember the day the twins were born. The memory is vivid and when I close my mind and think about it, I remember every detail as if it were happening again. When I heard the nurse who was checking me utter the words, “You’re having these babies today.” Through the pain, mess of tears, and chaos in my brain; I tried to prepare myself for the time I was going to have to be away from them. Truth be told, there really is no way to prepare a mother to not get to hold her babies right away, to have to leave them, and to lose that precious time with them. I knew having two young kids at home meant I wasn’t going to get to spend a lot of time at the hospital with the twins. I was able to spend three to four hours max with them everyday. The first five or six days I didn’t even get to hold them. That time where a mother is cuddling her precious bundle of joy and soaking in those first few days of their newborn, I didn’t get that. That time was taken from me.

There was so much time I lost with them. Most of the day I couldn’t be with them. I lost many hours in a day that I wish I would have been able to have with them. When I would lay down and go to sleep at night, I would cry thinking about how they weren’t home with me. How I was missing watching them fall asleep at night. How I was missing rocking them to sleep, singing to them, and being so tired but not wanting to put them down. For five weeks I ached for both of them to be home, to make up for that time that was lost. Then Kade came home and I began to make up time with him and yet, I still ached every night for two more weeks for Jax. I lost time with him on his first Christmas because he was still in nicu. Then, the day after Christmas, I had both my babies home. The amount of happy I was, was indescribable. To be near me though, you could feel the happiness and joy radiating off of me. I was so beyond tired with both of them home, but I was bathed in joy. Hubby had been sick since Christmas morning and naturally, the babies got sick too. Kade handled it better though and didn’t get as sick, Jax however, got very sick and the day after New Years, he was back in the hospital.

He was there for thirteen days. I remember getting frustrated because I just wanted my baby home again. Once again time was being taken away from me and dammit it just wasn’t fair. I was back to crying myself to sleep every night. I was back to driving to a hospital every day. I was back to only being able to spend a few hours a day with my baby. When they told me he could finally come home, I would have drove through hell to get to him. The bad thing about Jay being in school is that he brings home tons of germs And even though I disinfect my house, we sanitize our hands, and wash our hands; Kage caught something from whatever Jay brought home. He was coughing, had a runny nose, and just down right didn’t feel good. I was taking care of him and making sure he stayed away from the babies, but the next day the babies didn’t feel good. They got progressively worse as the day went on and they both wound up in the hospital the day they turned three months old. Jax was hospitalized on Saturday and Kade was in the er on Sunday, but thank God he was able to come home.

Jax couldn’t though and he’s still there. He’s much better and should be home in a couple days, but he’s been away from me for six days so far. More time stripped away. I can’t even explain the amount of upset I am. I’ve asked God why this keeps happening. I’ve cried and I’ve begged. I’ve ached and I’ve hurt. Jax has spent more time in the hospital than he has with me and that kills me. That hurts something inside of me so fiercely that I’m not sure it can be fixed. I know every time he gets sick now, I’m going to mentally prepare myself for him to be away from me until proven otherwise. I know every time he sneezes, I’m going to be afraid of what it could lead to. I don’t know if I can make up for the time he’s been away from me, for the time we have lost, but I do know when he comes home again, I’m sure as hell going to try.

I’m linking up with Casey for On My Heart.

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