It’s my third week of work and I think we are finally adjusting to our new chapter of life and our new routine. While we all are adjusting pretty well, I tend to miss my boys like crazy when works slows down enough for me to really think about them. I know getting used to this schedule was a bit hard on my boys, they went from having me around all the time, to only having me around in the evenings and on the weekends. I’ve been thinking about it and there is a few things I want/hope they know.
I hope they know how I miss them. I get this ache in my heart when I slow down enough to really think about them while I’m work. When I picture all their sweet little smiles and I bring to my mind the sound of each of their beautiful laughs. I just want to grab my purse, clock out, and rush home that way I don’t have to miss another minute of missing either of those. I replay the stories they used to tell me during the day and I replay the way the twins always smile when they see. The random games of peek-a-boo, piggy back rides, coloring, and playing outside; things that I only get to enjoy for a short time after work and on the weekends. Going from being able to hear and do those things anytime of the day, to a limited time, it really takes a toll on a momma. I hope they know that I think of all of that and I can’t wait to walk through the door and see them.
I hope they know that when they see me after I’ve been gone all day, those smiles that light up all of their faces, the chorus of mommy and baby sounds washes over me, and my heart rejoices. Finally, all those hours I spent missing them and wishing for those moments, I now have the minute I walk through the door. I hope they know how much I truly cherish the time we get to spend together as family now. I can’t explain it, but it’s different than when I was always around them. Now I get it, now I get what it’s like to only have x amount of hours in a day, and you don’t find me wishing for bedtime anymore.
I hope they know that when life got hard and it was time for mommy to step up to the late to do what is best for our family I did it without a second thought. I knew this was going to be a new chapter in our lives and while their our days that I just don’t know if I can be away from them any longer, I stepped up to the plate, and I know it is the right thing to do. I hope that encourages them and that one day they understand and appreciate the sacrifice I made for our family.
I hope they know how much I love them and I hope they don’t feel like I abandoned them, especially the babies, who have been with me everyday since coming home from nicu. Kade wasn’t too happy about me working at first, I could tell in the way his attitude change, but I think he’s finally coming around that mommy isn’t gone forever, just short periods of time. I hope they know that I cherish our family swim in the evenings, our relaxing evenings, and spending as much time with them as I can.
I hope they know that I am doing this for them, no matter how bad it hurts me to be away from them, I’m doing it, and I hope one day they will respect that and look at me with a sort of awe, that mommy stepped up when our family needed her the most.
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