Monday went from a good day to a bad one. I truly woke up believing that it was going to be a much better day. I was so beyond wrong it wasn’t even funny. Today was hell. Today was rough. Today was one of those days that I asked God a lot of questions. It’s one of those days where around every corner there is another thing trying to knock me down. Today was one of those days where I tried my best to get out of the house, help at the school, visit with my mom, even if it was only for an hour. I tried to make it better and it just wasn’t. I had to cancel my doctor appointment today because, I just can’t afford the injection right now for my back. So, I cried. That means I’m in pain longer. That means I’m not giving my 100% to everything I do because, I just can’t. So, I cried some more.
Kage acted like a complete brat again after we left the school this afternoon when I was up there helping with some things. Again, he caused my back to hurt worse from his trying to pull away from me and me having to pick him up. So, I cried again. The boys woke up at five o’ clock this morning, by the time we got Jay from school. They were whiny and crying and just plain blah. I let them take an hour nap. When I woke them up more crying, actually lots more crying. There were other things throughout the day that just kept adding to everything that had already happened, so what did I do, I cried some more.
The thing is. No matter what we do. No matter how hard we try and make it better. No matter how hard we try to keep our shit together. We are going to have days where nothing is going our way and we are going to feel defeated, we are going to fall. We are going to need to cry. Therefore, I cried. I purged it. I got it out of my system because I needed to. I needed to let those tears roll silently down my cheeks. I needed to silently scream. I needed to just get that bad day out of my system.
Once I did, the day didn’t miraculously get better, but I felt better. While I was still a little down, I was a lot more up than I was and instead of brooding some more, I wrote. I wasn’t going to stay down and I sure in the hell wasn’t going to stay defeated.