What I hope they know

It’s my third week of work and I think we are finally adjusting to our new chapter of life and our new routine. While we all are adjusting pretty well, I tend to miss my boys like crazy when works slows down enough for me to really think about them. I know getting used to this schedule was a bit hard on my boys, they went from having me around all the time, to only having me around in the evenings and on the weekends. I’ve been thinking about it and there is a few things I want/hope they know.

I hope they know how I miss them. I get this ache in my heart when I slow down enough to really think about them while I’m work. When I picture all their sweet little smiles and I bring to my mind the sound of each of their beautiful laughs. I just want to grab my purse, clock out, and rush home that way I don’t have to miss another minute of missing either of those. I replay the stories they used to tell me during the day and I replay the way the twins always smile when they see. The random games of peek-a-boo, piggy back rides, coloring, and playing outside; things that I only get to enjoy for a short time after work and on the weekends. Going from being able to hear and do those things anytime of the day, to a limited time, it really takes a toll on a momma. I hope they know that I think of all of that and I can’t wait to walk through the door and see them.

I hope they know that when they see me after I’ve been gone all day, those smiles that light up all of their faces, the chorus of mommy and baby sounds washes over me, and my heart rejoices. Finally, all those hours I spent missing them and wishing for those moments, I now have the minute I walk through the door. I hope they know how much I truly cherish the time we get to spend together as family now. I can’t explain it, but it’s different than when I was always around them. Now I get it, now I get what it’s like to only have x amount of hours in a day, and you don’t find me wishing for bedtime anymore.

I hope they know that when life got hard and it was time for mommy to step up to the late to do what is best for our family I did it without a second thought. I knew this was going to be a new chapter in our lives and while their our days that I just don’t know if I can be away from them any longer, I stepped up to the plate, and I know it is the right thing to do. I hope that encourages them and that one day they understand and appreciate the sacrifice I made for our family.

I hope they know how much I love them and I hope they don’t feel like I abandoned them, especially the babies, who have been with me everyday since coming home from nicu. Kade wasn’t too happy about me working at first, I could tell in the way his attitude change, but I think he’s finally coming around that mommy isn’t gone forever, just short periods of time. I hope they know that I cherish our family swim in the evenings, our relaxing evenings, and spending as much time with them as I can.

I hope they know that I am doing this for them, no matter how bad it hurts me to be away from them, I’m doing it, and I hope one day they will respect that and look at me with a sort of awe, that mommy stepped up when our family needed her the most.

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Big changes around here

Happy Friday people! I’m so happy it’s the weekend! Sooo… let’s go ahead and jump right into things I haven’t told you. About four months ago, my husband was part of a big lay off at the company he was working for. It was right before I had the surgery on my neck so, it was a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing because, he was able to take care of me while I recovered and take care of the kids and house for a couple of weeks since I couldn’t do much. Thrive definitely helped him then by keeping his energy up so he could do everything he needed to do! Well, he has been having a hard time finding a local, decent paying job. We talked quite a bit about what to do and we decided that for now, I was going to get a job.

The thing is, I’ve been a stay at home mom for awhile. I’ve had about four jobs in my entire life, not including blogging, those four were when I was a teenager and in my early 20s. I was really picky about the kind of job I wanted when the subject came up. At first, I was thinking a waitress in a bar because I had worked in one before and that was daily tips. I applied at a ton of places and got no response. I knew it was going to be hard finding something because my experience is pretty much limited to what I do around the house, with the kids, and blogging. I pretty much had a guarteed job at a place my SIL works, but I didn’t want to go back there. That was a place I worked in my early 20s and I knew I would go insane working there again. My husband couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t take it, but I knew I would find something that I would like and that would bring in decent money.

Thankfully, I decided to message my friend on Facebook who I had seen posting job ads awhile back. So, I asked her if her job was hiring and she said it was. I had an interview with three people and I was so damn nervous and anxious. The day after I had an interview with the boss, I got a call from my friend telling me I was hired! I couldn’t believe it! After the initial happy phase, I began to get sad, nervous and excited. I had been a SAHM for a loooong time and this was a real gig. An office job {which I’m so happy for because I’ve always wanted an office job if I was to ever have to work.} and the hours are the hours I wanted, and same with the pay. So, it’s literally perfect for me, but I was so nervous and sad about not being a SAHM anymore. I was going to miss Jay and Kage like crazy and If I even thought about Jax and Kade, tears would form in my eyes. This went on for about three days. I kept playing in my head everything I was going to miss, going back to work full time…

Random kisses and hugs from the boys all throughout the day, hearing them cracking up in their room over whatever they were playing with together, having Kage randomly come up to me with a new Lego creation and saying “Mommy, I made this for you.” {Which he did tonight after I got off work so I’m glad he’s still doing that}, hearing Jay’s random stories throughout the day or him asking me 50 million questions about God + Jesus that I always tried my best to answer. I was going to miss playing outback with them during the day and miss seeing their sweet, sleepy faces as they woke up. I was going to miss firsts with the babies. I was going to miss Jax’s first tooth popping through, Kade’s first crawl. The first time Jax gets up on his knees and rocks like I saw Kade do. Their precious smiles and those sweet baby laughs. I was going to miss cuddling with them whenever I wanted to and watching/learning everything about their little personalities because I was going to be with them 24/7.

I’ve been working for four days now and I definitely miss all those things that I named. I miss all my boys so incredibly much when I’m at work, that it often feels like I got the wind knocked out of me whenever I think about them too much, but, you know what I love?

I love walking through the front door, my black dress hit the floor … JUST KIDDING.. {name that song without googling it and I will heart you forever!} I love walking through that door and having Jay and Kage come running for me and wrap their little selves around my legs because I don’t even have enough time to squat down for a real hug until after the leg hug because, that’s how fast they run up to me. I love when I go to say hi to the twins, that they smile so hugely at me and start reaching for me. I’ve been a SAHM for so many years now, that it’s nice to be an adult for eight hours, have adult conversations, getting dressed up Monday through Friday, and working at a place I’m quickly growing to enjoy.

It’s still hard though. Part of me yearns for the SAHM life I had because I was one of those moms who truly enjoyed staying home with the kids all day, keeping the house up, etc. Part of me enjoys the quite, but I know if I had to choose one or the other right this second, I already know what I would choose. I am truly enjoying my job though and the huge blessing that it is!!

{That’s all for today, I plan on writing more about what it’s been like to be a working mom, if I tried to cram it all into one post, my feelings wouldn’t come out right because I would be trying to shorten it, and what I want to say shouldn’t have to be cut short.}

Are you a working mom or a sahm? Working moms, do you have any tips for me on how to balance it all? What is your favorite part about being a working mom. Were you ever a sahm? Sahm, have you worked before while being a momma? If so, why did you become a sahm? What do you love most about being a sahm?

{please do not try and start a working mom/sahm war, your comment will no be approved if you do. I have been both a sahm and now a working mother and I respect both equally because they are BOTH hard to do.}

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7 things that help me get through the day

I get asked a lot, “how do you do it?” or I get the, “I really don’t know how you do it” or “You are awesome, I couldn’t do it, I really couldn’t.” statements when people find out I have four kids and two of them are twins. Most of the time I just smile, give a small laugh, and respond with, “I don’t know how I do it either” because, most days, I really don’t know how I do anything or accomplish anything or keep my sanity! lol. I started to think about it though and I wrote down seven things that I believe help me get through the day. So, here is my answer to, “How do you do it?”

1. My Thrive. Seriously, it gives me the vitamins and natural all day energy that I need to make it through the day. Before Thrive, I was dragging ass trying to take care of my kids, my house, and everything in between. Now, I’m getting stuff done and on the hard days when not much is getting done aside from taking care of the kids, I’m still doing a lot with them and not wanting to crash halfway through the day.

2. My husband. He really helps me so much. He has always been a great daddy, but seeing all that he does now that we have four kids, it just makes my heart so happy. I really don’t know what I would do without him, I truly believe I would be lost. We make an excellent team and I’m so glad that God gave me him to go through this crazy life with. We make a good team, especially as parents, and that helps more than people know.

3. Chores. If we didn’t have the boys picking up after themselves most of the time, cleaning their room, and a couple of other little things, days would defintely not run smoothly. I’m only one person after all and I can only contain the mess of all of us for so long. I also think it’s wonderful to teach your kids responsibilty so, it’s a win-win in my book. :)

4. Crafts, toy, and games. Having something for the kids to do and the babies to play with while I get things done that need to get done, helps soooo incredibly much!

5. Movie/nap time. Depending on our day, we usually have a quiet time during the day where the boys quietly watch a movie while the twins are napping so I can get work or household duties done. It’s a life saver a few times a week and it’s one of those things I’m glad I’ve done since my kids were old enough to understand it.

6. Lists. Seriously, I make a list of everything {Obviously ;) lol} I need/want to do or get done that day. My mind is constantly all over the place so if I want to remember to do something, I write that shit down, otherwise I’m likely to forget. Also, I love checking things off a list! Anyone else?

7. Wine or some form of alcohol. I’m not a daily drinker, but a nice glass of wine or a delicious mixed drink is so nice after a long, hard day! When I have time, I love unwinding with a drink and a good book. It makes my day end on a good note!

What is something you need that helps you get through the day?!

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Mother’s Day

This year for Mother’s Day, I’m a momma to four boys. Going from two kids to four kids wasn’t easy, especially with the twins being born at 30 weeks, and then Jax being in and out of the hospital. Once life began to settle down though, I realized how much I love the utter chaos of having four kids 7 years old and younger. Our days are never the same, I never know what the day will hold, and I love it. For Mother’s Day this year, I didn’t expect anything major, I never do because really, I just want to relax on mother’s day and not do anything lol.

When I woke up on Mother’s Day, Hubby and the boys surprised me with cards and beautiful roses. Jay & Kage even picked out a card and signed it. I love that they are at the age where they can do that now! Jay had also made me two things in school. Gifts from the heart really are the best, but my husband knows I absolutely love flowers. I don’t care that they eventually die or don’t last long, I love them anyway. The babies had already been changed and fed when I woke up and Hubby made me a delicious breakfast of french toast and bacon. It was off to a great start. I got to relax and cuddle with my boys for awhile and then we headed over to my mother in law’s house for a family dinner. Since my unexpected surgery, I haven’t really gone to any family get together’s because I hated the way I looked so, it was so nice to be able to go spend time with the in-laws and get out of the house for awhile.

While we were there, my sister in law and I went shopping, kid free woo woo, because my MIL gave us some mula for Mother’s day. {Yes, she is sweet like that}. I got a couple of really cute shirts, a pair of shorts, a pretty ring, a best friends necklace for my SIL & I, a new toy for the babies, I got the twins each a really cute outfit, and I got the boys a new pair of pajamas! After we were done shopping, I was ready to go home and just spend the rest of the night relaxing.

That’s exactly what I did too. It wound up being the perfect Mother’s day. It was relaxing, it was fun, I got to visit with family, and I got tons of kisses and cuddles from all of my guys! I couldn’t have asked for a better day! =D

How was your Mother’s Day? What did your husband/kids do for you? Did you do something for your mom?

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4 kid friendly things we do on rainy days

We have been getting soooo much rain here in Texas. I thought April showers were supposed to bring May flowers, but good grief it’s been raining and storming so damn much. Which of course means, the boys are stuck inside and they can only play so many games on their tablet or build so many legos before they start getting bored and start fighting. So, I picked up a few things while I was out to keep the kids busy and happy while we are stuck inside!

One. I picked up these little dry erase activity books. I think they are going to have lots of fun we these and I love that they can erase them, trade, and have fun with them! :)

Two. We love color wonder markers around here. They are pretty much my favorite! So, I found a full booklet full of color wonder pages and I know the boys are going to freak out coloring on these. They are always, “Oh my gosh mommy. It was white and then it turned {insert color}” Little things bring them so much joy and I love it.

Three. I found this chalkboard and Target and I can’t wait to use it. I think I’m going to write fun sentences on it and have them draw what I wrote about or draw a picture and have them write what it is. The possibilities are really endless!

Four. Books, books, and more books! We love reading in this house and we have so many great books that we can spend hours reading on those rainy days!

What is your favorite rainy day activity with your little ones?!

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I love having boys

I get asked quite a few questions + comments when it comes to being a mom of boys. Questions like, “Are y’all going to try for a girl?” “Are you sad that you have all boys?” “ALL BOYS, oh you poor thing.” “Don’t you want a girl with all these boys?” “You need to get a female dog that way you have a girl in the house.” “I couldn’t handle all boys.” I could go on and on, but I’ll stop there. I want to answer some of these questions + respond to some of these comments. I know society believes you should have two kids and that they should be a boy + a girl. They also believe if you only have boys, you NEED a girl. I think that’s downright silly, that makes it seem like girls are needed & are better than boys, and I’m sorry, that’s not the case.

Here we go…

“Are y’all going to try for a girl?
I’ve been asked this question since Jay was born, seven freaking years ago, and it kept coming after Kage was born, and those that don’t know I have my tubes tied, ask since I’ve had the twins. My answer almost every time is..
No. No, we are not trying for a girl. Would it be fun to have a little girl, absolutely, but I wouldn’t mind having another boy. {That was the answer I gave after Jay and Kage} Now my answer is, No, we are done having kids and I’m completely happy with boys.

“Are you sad that you have all boys?”
My answer is normally no, but I’m going to take it a step closer.
This question really pisses me off. Why the hell would I be sad about having all boys? Are girls really that much of a big deal that I should literally be sad I don’t have one? No they aren’t and that’s just downright stupid to ask someone. I am not sad that I don’t have a little girl. Like I said up there, I’m sure it would have been fun to have a daughter, but I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I have four amazing little boys and I am extremely happy I have all boys. The next time someone thinks about asking this to a mom of all boys, don’t, because you are more than likely going to piss them off and get a rude ass answer.

“ALL BOYS, oh you poor thing.” “I couldn’t handle all boys.”
No sweetie, I’m not a poor thing because I have all boys. Yes, they are crazy, destructive, and loud. They fight, they are hyper, they build things, then destroy said things that they build, and they are messy. You know what though, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I embrace the Chaos of having all boys and I love it. To the I couldn’t handle it comment, I didn’t think I would be able to handle four boys either, but I was surprisingly wrong. It is so much fun because, despite the Chaos, they are so much fun and I’m the queen of the house, which pretty much rocks. ;)

“Don’t you want a girl with all these boys?”
No, actually I don’t. I have plenty of nieces that I adore and that I get to buy cute clothes for and do girly things with. So, I’m not missing out on the fun of having a girl. I am a total boy mom and I love it. I think God knew I couldn’t handle girls, which is why he gave me all boys. I like to dress up all cute, do my makeup, get my nails done, etc., but I’m also a huge tomboy. I like guns, playing cops and robbers with my boys, building mud sculptures, wrestling with them, having water balloon fights, finding lizards, and bugs in the dirt. I like building endless lego structures, drawing + coloring with them, playing football with them + soccer + basketball. I like rough housing and I like action movies. I was absolutely cut out to be a boy mom and I’m not missing out on anything by not having a girl. I get endless hugs + kisses, I have mommy’s boys, I have little boys who love me so much, I have little boys who can be so incredibly sweet, who pick me flowers, who draw me pictures, and who wants to always play with me. I get to cover my driveway in chalk drawings and play in the rain with them. There is so much more I can say about this, but just know, there is nothing I love more than being a mom of all boys.

“You need to get a female dog.”
I often laugh about this one. I love dogs and when the twins are around two or three, we will probably get a puppy because we totally want one! Guess what though, it won’t be a female dog. I can’t really stand female dogs, I like male dogs and that’s what we will get soooo, yes I’ll get it dog, just not a female one! ;)

I mean, how can anyone not look at these sweet faces and not automatically know that I don’t need a girl and that I am happy with my wonderful little guys!

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Living in chaos & loving it

I have four kids seven and under, two are eighteen months apart and two of them are twins. I’m going to be honest, I never wanted twins. Every time I got pregnant, I was terrified it was going to be twins. I would worry about how the hell I would handle two babies at once and I knew I just couldn’t do it. That all changed though when I saw my babies on the monitor. I was completely shocked at first, but after a couple of minutes, a calmness came over me and I fell in love with those little ones growing in my belly. I wanted them something fierce and I couldn’t explain it because, like I said, before I found out I was having twins, I didn’t want twins. I wanted them bad though when I saw them. As they grew inside me, I couldn’t picture not having twins. I was scared, but I knew I could handle it and I know that had to be God reassuring me. Now that they are here and home {since they were born early}, it has come more naturally than I thought. I didn’t know how I was going to balance four kids, being a wife, a blogger, a writer, and running a household. Almost six months later, I am loving this life.

It is chaotic and crazy. We’ve had setbacks and bad days, but the amount of good days far outweigh the bad. We live in a three bedroom home so, six people under this roof is a tight squeeze, but we make it work. We make it work by embracing the chaos. Life itself is chaotic, it’s unpredictable, and you never know what to expect. It’s the same with having four little ones. I never know what’s going to happen. We have baby stuff everywhere, legos scatter the floors, laundry sometimes is left sitting until I can get to it, the kitchen isn’t always spotless, and things are often not in their place. At first, it drove me crazy. I liked having everything where it belonged, knowing what the day was going to hold, but I’ve learned to let it go. The laundry will get done, the dishes will get washed, the floors are vacuumed daily. I’ll probably still step on legos and cuss like a sailor when I do. I imagine things will be out of place for awhile, that my house won’t always be as clean as I want it, that everyday is going to hold something different, and that each day is unique and chaotic and beautiful.

I’ve learned to love not knowing what the day will hold. I’ve learned to love baby items and legos taking over my house. I’ve learned to embrace the chaos of our life because it’s beautiful. The smiles, the giggles, the stories, the piggyback rides, the sweet laughs, the memories made, the laughter that fills our house, and the love that is everywhere. I’ve learned that this is just a chapter of life and it won’t always be chaotic and one day everything will be in it’s place. I know when that day comes, I’ll look back and miss the beautiful chaos of little kids, but for now I’ll embrace. I’ll cherish this chapter in our life, and I’ll continue to make memories and teach my children and play with them, and most of all, I’ll always let love flow through this house.

The love and laughter is worth the chaos.

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Lost time

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I remember the day the twins were born. The memory is vivid and when I close my mind and think about it, I remember every detail as if it were happening again. When I heard the nurse who was checking me utter the words, “You’re having these babies today.” Through the pain, mess of tears, and chaos in my brain; I tried to prepare myself for the time I was going to have to be away from them. Truth be told, there really is no way to prepare a mother to not get to hold her babies right away, to have to leave them, and to lose that precious time with them. I knew having two young kids at home meant I wasn’t going to get to spend a lot of time at the hospital with the twins. I was able to spend three to four hours max with them everyday. The first five or six days I didn’t even get to hold them. That time where a mother is cuddling her precious bundle of joy and soaking in those first few days of their newborn, I didn’t get that. That time was taken from me.

There was so much time I lost with them. Most of the day I couldn’t be with them. I lost many hours in a day that I wish I would have been able to have with them. When I would lay down and go to sleep at night, I would cry thinking about how they weren’t home with me. How I was missing watching them fall asleep at night. How I was missing rocking them to sleep, singing to them, and being so tired but not wanting to put them down. For five weeks I ached for both of them to be home, to make up for that time that was lost. Then Kade came home and I began to make up time with him and yet, I still ached every night for two more weeks for Jax. I lost time with him on his first Christmas because he was still in nicu. Then, the day after Christmas, I had both my babies home. The amount of happy I was, was indescribable. To be near me though, you could feel the happiness and joy radiating off of me. I was so beyond tired with both of them home, but I was bathed in joy. Hubby had been sick since Christmas morning and naturally, the babies got sick too. Kade handled it better though and didn’t get as sick, Jax however, got very sick and the day after New Years, he was back in the hospital.

He was there for thirteen days. I remember getting frustrated because I just wanted my baby home again. Once again time was being taken away from me and dammit it just wasn’t fair. I was back to crying myself to sleep every night. I was back to driving to a hospital every day. I was back to only being able to spend a few hours a day with my baby. When they told me he could finally come home, I would have drove through hell to get to him. The bad thing about Jay being in school is that he brings home tons of germs And even though I disinfect my house, we sanitize our hands, and wash our hands; Kage caught something from whatever Jay brought home. He was coughing, had a runny nose, and just down right didn’t feel good. I was taking care of him and making sure he stayed away from the babies, but the next day the babies didn’t feel good. They got progressively worse as the day went on and they both wound up in the hospital the day they turned three months old. Jax was hospitalized on Saturday and Kade was in the er on Sunday, but thank God he was able to come home.

Jax couldn’t though and he’s still there. He’s much better and should be home in a couple days, but he’s been away from me for six days so far. More time stripped away. I can’t even explain the amount of upset I am. I’ve asked God why this keeps happening. I’ve cried and I’ve begged. I’ve ached and I’ve hurt. Jax has spent more time in the hospital than he has with me and that kills me. That hurts something inside of me so fiercely that I’m not sure it can be fixed. I know every time he gets sick now, I’m going to mentally prepare myself for him to be away from me until proven otherwise. I know every time he sneezes, I’m going to be afraid of what it could lead to. I don’t know if I can make up for the time he’s been away from me, for the time we have lost, but I do know when he comes home again, I’m sure as hell going to try.

I’m linking up with Casey for On My Heart.

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5 Things My Kids Need From Me

As parents, we want to give our children the best of everything. We want them to have everything their little hearts desire. We look at their little faces, look into their beautiful eyes and we want them to have the world. Giving our kids everything they want isn’t always do-able, it’s also probably not good idea. However, giving them what they need, really need, is something we can and should do. As adults there are things we need for our tanks to be full, it’s no different with kids. Their little tanks need to be full, not just with things they want, but they should be filled with things they need. What one kid needs isn’t always the same as another and it differs from family to family. When I’ve really focused, slowed down, and really paid attention…. this is what I’ve learned my kids absolutely need to keep their little tanks full.


1. They need laughter. They need to laugh, tell jokes, and be told jokes so that they can crack up. They need to be silly, they need you to be silly, and they need our laughter to fill our home. They need to know that no matter how mad they get, how hard life can be, no matter what kind of day they are having, they need to know they can laugh and we can laugh as a family. They need to know laughter is truly the best medicine.


2. They need to know they are loved. This one really is a no brainier, but it’s part of the list. They need to know they are always and forever loved. They need to know that even when they do something that we aren’t happy about or if we are disappointed in them, that we still love them.


3. They need fun. They need trips to the park, tickle fights, boardgames, and family nights. They need to build a city using legos, painting, riding their bikes, and friends. They need pillow fights, playing tag, and playing with friends. They need to have fun. Life as a kid should be fun and they need to know that more than anything, life is fun.


4. They need discipline. I don’t know anyone who likes disciplining their kids and this is probably a weird one to have on this kind of list. However, kids need discipline even if we don’t like disciplining them. They need to know there is consequences for their actions. They need to know there are boundaries. They need to know they can’t do what they want, when they want, and they need to know there are rules they need to follow. It’s so good for them and will make them better adults.


5. They need to hear yes. Life is full of no, especially when they’re kids. It’s full of no you can’t have that, you can’t do that, we don’t have time right now, it’s too late for sweets, and the list goes on. I think hearing yes when they don’t expect it is very good for their little souls and I love seeing their faces light up when I say yes instead of no.

What does your little one{s} need to keep their tanks full?

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I”m going to miss these little moments


Jay was staying at my mom’s with his cousin over the weekend, they haven’t gotten to do that in a little while since we were on vacation. Kage and I had just finished up dinner and he climbed into Hubby and I’s bed and fell asleep. I was wondering if I should curl up next to him and take a nap too or wake him up. I walked into the room, climbed into bed, and ran my hand over his hair. He briefly stirred and his little eyes fluttered open.

“Do you want mommy to take a nap with you?” I asked him.
He mumbled a little, “Yes.”

So, I laid down next to him and he put his little arm around my neck to pull me close and he fell back asleep.

I laid there looking at all his little features and tears formed in my eyes. I couldn’t help but think that I wasn’t going to have too many moments like this after the babies are born. Another thing I’m going to miss is walking Jay into school and I know he’s going to miss it too. It’s always been our thing since he started school. Every morning, Kage stays home with daddy since they are both asleep, and Jay and I head to school drop off. I park a little bit away and then we walk hand in hand into school as we talk. After the twins arrive, I know there is a very good chance that I’ll be taking all the kids with me in the morning for school drop off, which means I’ll be dropping Jay off and letting him walk in alone. I’m sure we will still have some days where I can walk him in, but I know for the most part, those days will be few and far between.

I’ve shared a few of my worries about having twins, but there is some I haven’t talked about. Some that are just little and hit me at random times. Like that moment, when I knew I had to cherish it because I know those moments with Jay or Kage are going to be rare after the twins arrive. Trying to prepare myself for becoming a twin momma when I already have two kids has been a little hard, but most of the time, I’m ready for it. Times like that though, times when I know I’m going to miss certain moments so fiercely, it hits me, and I can’t help but worry how it’s going to affect the boys.

I wonder how it’s going to affect me. How I’m going to deal with missing out on these little moments that I cherish now. How I’m going to feel not being able to enjoy these little moments with them.

I know this might be a silly, irrational worry, but it’s on my mind.

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