When they got me into a labor room, everyone flew into action. It was all happening extremely fast and I was beyond scared. I had an IV put in me that was pumping something into me for the babies. I can’t even remember where the IV went or what the fluid was. They had me signing paperwork and I could have punched her. Like, I wasn’t going anywhere, I’m having extreme contractions, and this couldn’t freaking wait until afterwards?! They were also monitoring the babies again and they were still doing good, even through the contractions. I was so worried too much stress was being put on them from the pain I was going through. The on call doctor came in to talk to me and so did the anesthesiologist. When I found out my doctor wasn’t working that night, I panicked a little because he knew my plan and knew my history, but the on call doctor was really wonderful and put me at ease immediately. There was just something about her that I liked in all of the chaos. While all of this was going on, I was having contractions that had me arching my back, screaming through my teeth, and crying. I’ve had back labor with all three pregnancies and this time around I have a messed up back and I believe that made the contractions ten times worse. I was panicking and trying to find my husband through my blurry, tear filled vision, I remember seeing him put his scrubs on that they gave him and I remember my mom showing up ten minutes before they took me back to the operating room.
By the time we got to the operating room, I was beyond hurting, I really wanted to push, and I was down right miserable. Hubby wasn’t aloud to come back there until I was numb and laid down and all I could keep thinking was I wanted him. I wanted him right next to me, right that second, and he couldn’t be. Thankfully, the anesthesiologist got to work right away on numbing me and right in the middle of him doing so, I had a contraction coming on. Him and one of the OR nurses kept saying I had to be still and I remember muttering, “I can’t. I can’t.” and shaking my head. The last thing I wanted to do was move while he was sticking a needle in my back, but I also knew I couldn’t sit still through it. The OR nurse said, “You HAVE to stay still, just squeeze my hands and scream through it.” That’s exactly what I did. I’m surprised I didn’t break her hand and the scream I let out was a piercing one, but that nurse took it like a champ and it worked, it kept me still enough for him to finish. It only took seconds for the medicine to kick in and before I knew it, the lower half of me was completely numb. They laid me back on the table, put up that big blue curtain, and then Hubby came in and I was so happy to see him.
I had heard some horror stories about having a c-section and I was really nervous about what it was going to be like, but I didn’t feel anything as the doctor cut me open and pulled my sweet babies out. From this point on, everything was a little hazy, but when she said Baby B was out and that beautiful cry pierced the room, relief flooded through me. “Okay.” I thought to myself, “One baby down, one to go. Please God let Baby A come out crying too.” Two minuter later she said Baby A was out and he too let out a beautiful piercing cry. Tears filled my eyes. They were out, they were crying, and so far they were okay.
Shortly after the babies were out and after she finished tying my tubes, I started to have a panic attack on the table. The lower half of me was numb, my arms were pinned down by straps, my upper back was starting to hurt, and I wanted to see my babies. I wanted off that damn table and I began to panic. I don’t really remember anything after the panic attack started, but Hubby said I kept trying to pull my arms free of the straps and I kept twisting my upper body causing the doctor to have to stop working on me. He had a little chat with the anesthesiologist at this point that he said went a little something like this.
Hubby: “Dude, are you going to give her something to knock her out?”
A: “No, this is normal. She’ll stop.”
Hubby: “No, she won’t. I know my wife and she’s not going to stop. Give her something right now.”
I now thank God that my husband said that because I don’t remember that conversation, them taking the babies away, or the rest of the panic attack. I remember waking up back in the labor room and seeing my husband, my mom, my sister in law & my brother in law all waiting for me to come around. I was so happy to see people who loved me, but it wasn’t long before the pain hit me and the panic of not having my babies with me, hit me. Thankfully my mom got the nurse to give me more pain meds and then Hubby and my mom were able to go see the twins in the nicu. Once my mom came back, my brother in law and sister in law each took a turn going down to nicu with my husband to see the babies. I’m not going to lie, I was upset and jealous that they were getting to see my babies before I was, but I hoped it wouldn’t be long before I would be going back to see them. When Hubby and my brother in law walked back in, the nurse followed. She told me she was moving me to another room, but first I was being wheeled back to see my babies. My mom kissed and hugged me and left to go home where my step-dad and boys were and my BIL & SIL went to the room I was going to be staying in, while Hubby and the nurse wheeled my bed into nicu.
It was a huge shock to see my babies. They had cpaps on and ivs and wires everywhere. I couldn’t stop the tears if I had tried. My heart broke into a million pieces and all I wanted to do was hold them and cuddle them and I couldn’t. All I could do was hold their little hands and stare at them. It was so hard and it wasn’t long before I had to be wheeled back to my room.
I plan on sharing more about how I felt during this time and the days to follow because that deserves a post of it’s own. For now, I’ll end their birth story here and let y’all know that they are doing good. I will have a post up in a day or two about the progress they have made and sharing more pictures. I want to thank everyone who prayed and is continuing to pray for our sweet babies. It means the world to us.